Relationships and ADHD: Obstacles and Solutions

People with ADHD can turn out to be very successful in life but the symptoms of ADHD can be hard on relationships. They talk too much or find them selves unable to follow the conversation and even misread social cues. Shifts in energy in the person with ADD might make it hard for the partner to keep up. Relationships might get messed up at a time of stress when those with poor impulse control may come strong.

The non-ADHD partner would find it hard to carry out all the responsibilities like planning, cleaning, organizing, bill paying and family commitments, arriving on time and discussion about awkward situations caused by the ADHD partner. The non-ADHD partner has to be strong and has to deal with the side effects of the medication taken by the ADHD patient.

Symptoms of ADHD include, forgetfulness, inattentiveness, difficulty in completing tasks and impulsivity. These can cause issues in a relationship. It gets even more complicated if children are involved. Even adults with ADHD find it hard to maintain attentiveness  during conversations. They may forget things, fail to pay bills and keep the home safe for their kids. They might even forget and miss the important birthdays and anniversaries. The non ADHD partner gets stressed and hurt even though he/she knows that it is the result of ADD.

Impulsive behavior can lead to reckless, irresponsible actions and overreaction to small problems. These can cause misunderstandings and arguments that can get out of control. As adults with ADHD had not been understood, believed and trusted for years,

These can lead to anger and anxiety if not recognized and controlled.

Dr Klaus Minde from university of Montreal, Canada, did a study and looked closely at the family relationships of 33 adults with ADHD. Married adults with ADHD had poor overall marital adjustments and more family dysfunction. The researchers say, “The findings in this study underscore the need for assessments and treatments to address marital and family functioning of adults with ADHD.”

The team also looked at what the results were on children of having ADD adults. They reported,

“Family and marital functions were impaired in ADHD families regardless of the gender of the affected parent. Children without attention deficit disorder from families with one psychiatrically healthy parent did well, while the behavior of children with ADHD was always poor and not associated with parental mental health.” They highlighted the important influence of the non-ADHD parent.

To maintain a steady relationship, both the partners need to understand the differences in the perceptions and communication styles. Accepting the differences would make the ADD partner feel important and respected. That can eventually make other things easier.

Expressing resentment or other negative feelings in important, and it becomes difficult when a partner has a hard time listening without interrupting. This can be helped by writing down the feelings of each partner, like what is bothering them and how they feel about it. This is not done face to face so no partner will be interrupted or distracted from their work.

The top priorities of each partner can be written down, both day to day and long term.

The causes of tension might be revealed after doing this and the partners will finally be able to work together to overcome such obstacles and mutual trust and clarity.